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Author Topic: The English Language  (Read 1802 times)
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donno
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« on: February 06, 2008, 01:00:37 13:00 »

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1- The bandage was wound around the wound.

2- The farm was used to produce produce.

3- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4- We must polish the Polish furniture.

5- He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10- I did not object to the object.

11- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13- They were too close to the door to close it.

14- The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18- After a number of injections, my jaw got number.

19- Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger: neither an apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (in Belgium).

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't is seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which;
    your house can burn up as it burns down,
    you fill in a form by filling it out and,
    an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
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k1e1n1
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« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2008, 04:45:49 04:45 »

Very True.
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nast
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« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2008, 03:07:55 15:07 »

I think that greek is the hardest of all.
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relto
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« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2008, 04:08:10 04:08 »

it's true > <
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kevin8
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« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2008, 10:42:20 10:42 »

hoho
I'm learning english,but not good at it
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arnaudlontsi
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« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2008, 03:03:45 15:03 »

I think that german is the hardest of all.
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FriskyFerret
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Put it in, take it out.


WWW
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2008, 12:12:09 00:12 »

If you want an easy western language, try Esperanto.
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Dancing pants and leotards, that's what I'm talkin' about!
twonuts
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« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2008, 12:25:54 00:25 »

I think that german is the hardest of all.

German is easy.

Keine bier bitte.
Grosse bier bitte.

For everything else, just smile and shrug shoulders.
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FriskyFerret
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« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2008, 05:49:55 17:49 »

Fick dich.
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Dancing pants and leotards, that's what I'm talkin' about!
AnyAlex
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« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2008, 06:04:00 18:04 »

Fick dich.
Wieso ficken? Ich trinke kein Bier!
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twonuts
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« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2008, 09:17:52 21:17 »

Fick dich.

??
Kein sense of humour mein freund.

I was speaking from experience. Two visits to Germany.

Visit 1: Kein bier bitte
Visit 2: Grosse bier bitte

And yes, for everything else I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

Worked for me.
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twonuts
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« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2008, 10:39:19 10:39 »

The New European Language!!!

Read Aloud For Best Effect!!!


Quote
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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gem1144aaa
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« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2008, 10:18:58 22:18 »

if you want to try an un-understandable language at all try those

1-any one of more than 5000 native Chinese languages each of which has its own characters vocabulary and words

2-Japaneses

3-Korean

4-any middle African tribes native language   
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