RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree, holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him,
knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
One Wish Genie
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. Tothe amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the
finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly atPatrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."